What you allow you are responsible for

In this episode of the Men’s Mysteries I discuss the importance of taking responsibility around what you allow in your life in terms of people and behavior. You aren’t responsible for what other people do, but you are responsible for what you allow in your life. I share why its important to learn how to say no to other people and establish good boundaries.

Mature Masculinity Podcast: Are you living your life for the right person?

Nice Guys don’t know how to live their lives for themselves. They make their partners the center of their lives and orient all of their actions around trying to make their partner happy. I share why this doesn’t work and how this nice guy behavior kills the relationship.

Nice guys need to learn how to live their lives for themselves and how to live in integrity with the values, mission and purpose that bring them to life. This won’t always make your partner happy, but you can’t live an authentic life where you put your partner and their happiness on a pedestal and sacrifice your needs and wants. I explain why in depth in this frank episode of Mature Masculinity Podcast.

How being clingy kills your chemistry

Nice guys are needy men. One of the ways they are needy comes in the form of clinginess. In this episode I break down what clinginess can look like and how you can recognize it in yourself. I also share some ideas on how to work on addressing your clinginess and letting go of your neediness.

The Ethos of the Sacred Masculine part 3 - Know your shadows to know your wounds

We all have shadow aspects of ourselves. These shadow aspects of ourselves are informed by our trauma, by the pain we have internalized and carried from our earliest experiences to the present. We can continue to let our trauma define us, our pain to control us, or we can make the choice define us, transform our pain and discover our gold.

It takes work...a lot of work, but doing that work helps us become the kind of man someone else can feel safe around, because that man knows himself and is centered, balanced, and grounded. He is aware of his pain and trauma and although he has moments where he may struggle with it (like anyone else), he also knows himself well enough to recognize when he is struggling and do the work he needs to do to get back to balance while also taking care of himself.

 When you know your shadows, you also recognize your own toxic patterns. These toxic patterns are informed by the behaviors you learned in order to protect yourself in situations where you were helpless and didn't know what else to do. Nonetheless these behaviors can also cause pain and harm to yourself and other people. You may not intend to harm anyone, you may be doing the best with what you know, but once you recognize your shadow behaviors then you take on a significant responsibility to change those behaviors and change yourself.

It is the responsibility of any man, when they recognize their shadows, to do the work on themselves to change the behaviors, so they no longer perpetuate the cycle of toxic behavior, in their own lives or the lives of the people around them.

When you heal your shadows you heal your relationship with yourself and with the other people in your life because you start putting those relationships on your terms, instead of continuing to let them be dictated by the shadow aspects you live with. How you heal those relationships is up to you, but what's most important is that you do this work so you can also bring yourself genuine healing and release from your shadow.