I used to say I’m sorry a lot. I can’t even tell you how many times I’d say I was sorry in a given day, but it could be a lot.
It was if I was apologizing for my existence.
But the truth is even more insidious. I was apologizing because I was trying to be accepted and I didn’t respect myself enough to own who I wanted to be. I was trying to fit into what I thought someone else wanted and as a result anytime I didn’t fit their image of me, I’d apologize and try to make myself fit a very uncomfortable space…namely the space of trying to be who they wanted me to be.
It never worked…
I would just end up sabotaging those efforts and then I’d be back to apologizing for letting them see a glimpse of the real me. I felt ashamed of that person and as a “nice guy” it seemed like it was more important to be anyone else other than myself, if I was going to have any chance of being liked.