Why its important to learn how to receive

I’ve never been comfortable with receiving praise, compliments, or acknowledgement from people. When someone has praised me I have either tried to praise them back or dismissed what was shared. It’s not even for a reason of false modesty. Rather its for the reason of being uncomfortable with praise. Recently, however I’ve been working on receiving compliments that other people share with me.

It’s a work in progress, but I realize that allowing myself to receive compliments from other people or something else they want to share with me is actually a form of confidence. When I can receive what someone shares without having to respond beyond a genuine thank you it shows that I am comfortable with accepting that someone has something to share with me.

I don’t know if this issue around receiving praise is universal for men, but I do think its important to learn how to receive from other people. If you find yourself deflecting or downplaying what someone else says to you, it might be time to look at what the real motive is. You also may want to consider how you might actually be hurting the person who has shared their praise with you.

In my case, my girlfriend shared that my downplaying of her praise makes it harder for her to offer that praise. When I heard that it helped me realize that I needed to spend more time listening to her, and less time trying to either praise her back or downplay her. However it also caused me to reflect on why I was resistant to praise.

I realized part of it was a resistance around being recognized for my efforts because in the past I had not been recognized for when I accomplished something. I was only recognized for what I had not done well. It felt odd to receive recognition from someone for something I was doing well and in a way I felt put on the spot. When I recognized this about myself it helped me also understand that I needed to change this particular limiting identity for a different one that recognizes and appreciates myself and allows other people to also recognize me.

If you find yourself encountering a similar difficulty around receiving praise from other people, you may want to look at the root of your resistance and consider how that could be undermining your confidence in general. I know that once I began to accept and acknowledge praise I also have begun to feel more confident in myself because I am recognizing I have worth in how I show up. Learning to receive is helping me learn to accept myself and what I have to offer. You can do the same in your own life by taking the time to hold space with what someone shares about you and accepting it as a genuine appreciative expression how you show up in their lives.

What is the role of spirituality in sacred masculinity?

One of the questions I’ve been asking myself lately is what the role of spirituality is within sacred masculinity. I’m asking this question because while I appreciate the deep psychological work that happens with men’s work, what I’m also finding is that there’s something missing. It’s important to be in touch with your mission and purpose, and to develop a better understanding of how your wounds are showing up in your life, with yourself and other people. All of that is essential work for men to do.

But I realized there was something missing, a deeper level of connection, a spiritual level of connection. This spiritual level of connection could come in many forms. It’s not limited to a specific religion or spiritual system of belief, but it is something that puts men in touch with the spiritual essence of masculinity and allows them to express it, either in a positive or negative way.

We see this expression in a negative way through patriarchal expressions of the spiritual dimensions of masculinity. This comes in the form of attempting to control other peoples’ bodies, controlling the expression people have, and in the hierarchical inequities that are built into patriarchy for almost everyone. It also shows up in how the environment and nature is treated as a disposable resource to be conquered. This spiritual expression of masculinity creates a toxic pattern that is ultimately harmful for all involve because it glorifies an unbalanced perspective of masculinity as a dominant expression of life.

We see this expression in a positive way through expressions of masculinity where the feminine is recognized as equal (and also distinct) and in the recognition that we have a place within the world where we share the world with other life, instead of trying to dominate and control it. We see the positive spiritual expression of masculinity found through collaborative brotherhood and finding ways to work together and support each other, but we also find it in the exploration of male mysteries.

What are the male mysteries?

The male mysteries are spiritual processes that lead men into a deeper and healthier relationship with their masculinity. They are the rites of passage that help a boy transition to manhood and allow men to transition through the aging processing. The male mysteries connect us to the sacromasculine essence that all people have. As with anything else, this essence isn’t inherently positive or negative.

Within the healthy context of sacred masculinity work, the focus of the male mysteries is on developing a balance within ourselves where we learn the fundamental skills of how to create boundaries, develop awareness around our mission and purpose and create grounded presence. But the male mysteries is also a journey of self discovery around the sacred sexual mysteries of masculinity, the connection to the land and other aspects we have lost touch with through the advent of modern culture.

The choice to work with sacred masculinity isn’t just a choice of working on yourself as a man and how you want to show up in the world. That work is important and it’s the initial step men must take when they recognize how they are embodying toxic patterns of masculinity in their lives. The sacred masculinity work takes place once we have achieved a healthy relationship with our masculinity. At that point we can ask ourselves how we can draw on the sacromasculine essence to connect with powers of the land as well as do deeper work within ourselves in relationship to the divine masculine.

The Ethos of the Sacred Masculine pt. 9: Embrace your pain and make it your ally

Men carry pain with them and more often than not they don’t know how to express that pain and sometimes they may not even be consciously aware of it. That pain ends up defining our lives in ways that aren’t always healthy.

When you become an addict to alcohol, drugs, sex, or porn, you are acting out that pain.

When you become emotionally or physically abusive with someone else, you are acting out that pain.

Reading this doesn’t give you a justification to act out the pain. If anything it indicates that you need to zoom in on that pain and discover what it’s really about.

A man grounded in the sacred masculine can hold space with his pain and learn from it, and turn it into an ally.

Your pain can become your ally when you learn how to listen to it and enable it to transform your life in a real and powerful way.

Get curious about your pain. It may bring up some trauma, so be careful and kind to yourself, but get curious so you can learn more about it and deprogram the triggers. when you deprogram the triggers you can change the pattern and as a result you change your life.

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