One of the challenges that men face is an age old challenge that any person faces: Talk is cheap. What matters are the actions you take. I’ve been thinking about this truism in the last month as I’ve been considering how my words match up with my actions. When I look at my love languages, words of affirmation is one that easily comes to me, but words that aren’t backed up with actions don’t mean a lot, because what your partner wants to see is that you’ll follow through on whatever you say you’ll do.
My journey to sacred masculinity is a journey that has involved looking at what it means to truly connect with my masculine core. When I connect with my masculine core what I’m connecting with is a rooted presence that isn’t easily swayed by the circumstances or challenges that may come up. Instead that rootedness helps me ground myself in my masculinity and consider how I can show up with presence to follow through on the promises I’ve made, by taking specific action to make those promises become a reality.
What got me thinking about my own actions was a combination of feedback and several books I’ve been reading that explore sacred masculinity in relationship. Reading those books on the masculine in relationship has helped me understand that when I’m not inhabiting my grounded masculine core, I’m not fully in touch with my presence and as a result it is easier for me to slip up, even with the best of intentions.
One of the tropes that men deal with is the trope of being the problem solver. The problem with the problem solver is that a lot of times the person trying to problem solve is so focused on other peoples’ problems that they ignore their own and don’t recognize how this can create a distinct slip between words and actions. Having been a former problem solver, one of my deepest realizations is that by letting go of the need to problem solve, I became truly present with the people in my life. That may seem like an odd statement, so let me clarify it.
When I stopped trying to solving other peoples’ problems I came to realize that I used their problems to distract me from my own problems. When I re-oriented my awareness toward my own shortcomings, I came to realize that by working on those shortcomings I could also have deeper and more meaningful relationships. I focused on becoming a better listener, asking good questions, and changed certain life style habits so that I could focus on the mission and purpose I am working on in my life. I let go of problem solving and started to show up in relationships from a place of awareness that I had previously lacked.
This awareness recently came into play when I was given the feedback that I say a lot, but then challenged to show actions around what I said. The person who said that was needing to see that actions truly were being taken. I initially felt defensive, but I used the grounded masculine core I’ve been cultivating to help me see her perspective and consider how best I could show up in presence with her. The first action I took was to start saying a bit less and focus on taking action around statements I had already made.
And I observed something fascinating in making this specific choice.
When I took action, I found myself sinking into my sacred masculine core even further. I took specific actions around what I had stated I would do and the result was and is the manifestation of a deeper and more relationship with both myself and my love, because my actions are speaking louder than any words could.
I couldn’t have come to this realization if I hadn’t first changed my relationship with problem solving and secondly come to an understanding around how I could better cultivate my own sense of presence and awareness in such a way that I could also reflect on how I was showing up in the lives of other people. Its easy to say words, but taking action is much more essential and when you take action consistently it backs up the words you say and makes you more trustworthy because you’ve established you’ll follow through.
Look at your own life. Where can you be showing up better? What actions can you take to make your words have more meaning in your own life and the lives of the people who are important to you? If you need help with answering those questions, grab my free ebook below.
