You are the leader of your life, or you can be. You may not feel like a leader in this moment, but the one person who is in charge of your life and how you live it is you. It’s an important point to remember because so often a person can feel powerless due to circumstances that are out of their control, yet the one thing you have control over is how you respond to those circumstances. The response may not always be ideal, but it is within your power.
In my work in my own life and with other men, one of the skills I focus on is cultivating the skill of leadership. Leadership is an essential skill that helps you transform your life. All of us are capable of becoming leaders. We may not end up being a leader at the job we work at, or in the organization you’re involved in, but leadership isn’t always about being a leader in every activity you’re involved in. Being a leader is about taking charge of the direction of your life and the choices you make around how you live your life, solve your problems, and create the adventure you’ve always wanted to live.
So how do you show up as a leader in your life?
Discover your mission - Your mission is unique to you. It is the sense of purpose and direction that you bring to your life. When you don’t know what your mission is, it can cause you to feel like you are lost. If you want to become a leader in your life, you have to discover your mission. It needs to be a mission that goes beyond the relationship you are in, or the job you work at. Your mission is what you offer to the world.
How do you discover your mission? What matters most to you? What brings you to life? In my case, it’s my spiritual work and the work I do with men. Those two activities bring me a sense of joy and purpose and comprise my mission. You may not immediately figure that out, so ask yourself this: How do I want to show up in the world? And then live the answer.
Choose your habits - Your habits define your life. If you are indulging in bad habits, those habits will create experiences that while pleasurable in the moment, will ultimately drain you of your life. If you choose good habits, you enhance your life but it also requires that you are willing to stick with those habits. For example stretching and exercising in the morning will help you stay flexible and healthy and instill a good habit.
The habits we choose are chosen because of what they provide us in the short term, but we also have to look at the long term impact of those choices. Healthy habits lead to better quality of life and happiness while unhealthy habits are usually coping mechanisms that are put in place to avoid dealing with the deeper unhappiness that you may likely be feeling. If you want to be a better leader, you need to lead yourself and one of the ways you do that is through the choices you make each day.
Honor and love yourself - We are taught to love other people, but the most important person you can give your love to is yourself. It’s equally as important to honor and respect yourself. Many people don’t honor and love themselves. Instead they loathe themselves and place all their hope for love and respect in the hands of other people.
Learning to love yourself involves not just saying a mantra that you love yourself, but adopting actual practices of self love and care. Some of those practices can be found in taking on good habits, but some of them can be found through deliberately choosing yourself. When you choose to honor your inner truths, your needs and wants as well as your mission and purpose you are choosing to love and honor yourself.
Participate in your community - So many men isolate themselves, focusing on their work and their relationship with their partner. Men need to have relationships outside of work that are intimate but don’t involve romance or creating a life with someone. Men need to participate in their communities, in meaningful ways that reflect the mission and purpose they follow.
Participation in your community means doing something to contribute to your community. For example, I staff at men’s weekend retreats as a way of participating and contributing to my community. You could teach a class in your community or do some other activity that allows you to help the community you are part of. When you lead yourself, you make the choice to show up for your community.
Take charge of the direction of your life - You can live a life where other people are in charge or you can live a life where you take charge of yourself and your actions. The former type of life typically sees a man answering to his boss, partner and everyone else, always trying to please them, always playing the nice guy, always making choices that go against his inner truths and desires. The later type of life is an adventure of your making. You honor your inner truths by speaking up for them and taking meaningful action on them. You recognize that you need to validate yourself by learning to love and respect what really matters to you.
If you need help with taking charge of your life, I invite you to sign up for a 20 minute sacred masculinity coaching session with me. In that time we’ll discuss a challenge you’re facing in your life and I’ll help you come up with a solution that honors your sacred masculine strength and shows you how you can move forward in a meaningful way. Click the link to sign up.
