One of the challenges that recovering nice guys face is learning how to pay attention to and prioritize their own needs and desires. The mistake that nice guys make is that they aren’t honest with themselves or anyone else about their needs and wants. Instead they act like they are putting other people’s needs first (and often they are) but they hold onto a subconscious desire that the other people in their lives will anticipate and act on the unexpressed needs they aren’t sharing with anyone else. What the nice guy has done is formed a covert contract that no one else knows about, in the hopes that someone will somehow read their mind and fulfill their desires and needs.

This never works and is unfair to everyone involved. What it ultimately creates is a situation where the nice guy sabotages the relationships has he with other people and the relationship has with himself. The result is a man who finds himself alone, without friends or lovers.

When the nice guy doesn’t get his needs met, he acts on them, but not in a transparent and open manner. The resentment he likely feels at never having his needs met causes him to covertly go after those needs and yet ironically do it in a way where’s not even being fully honest with himself. This can only change when the nice guy learns one of the more important principles of the men’s quest:

Learn how to choose and prioritize yourself first.