Picture courtesy Taylor Ellwood
One of the practices I’ve integrated into my own men’s work and a practice I share with my clients is shadow work. Shadow work can come in many different forms, but regardless of what form it takes, it is absolutely essential for calling out the shadow within ourselves. A shadow is a behavior a person engages in that sabotages them. Shadow can show up in many different ways.
For example, one of the ways that shadow can show up is in how you communicate. If you make passive aggressive comments your shadow is coming out. You aren’t speaking up for yourself in a clear and transparent way.
Another example of shadow would be choosing to engage in deceptive behavior, where you are saying one thing, but doing the opposite behavior, or choosing to act on a behavior but not being honest about what you are doing. When we act on shadow behavior we undermine our relationship with ourselves as well as with the people around us.
So how do we draw the shadow out and work with it so that we can transform it into gold and improve our lives in the process?
image courtesy of Taylor Ellwood 2023
There are different processes that are available to help you work with your shadow. One of the processes I like to use involves creating a shadow mask. I have one of my shadow masks, for passive aggressive communication depicted here. I paint the front of the mask with the face I show to the world. I make the back of the mask a collage, where I share what I tell myself to justify my behavior.
I take these masks and place them in my office where I can see them each day. I reflect on them each day and reflect on how my behavior shows up each day in my interactions with myself and other people. The masks call on me to be honest with myself and honest with others. They call out my shadow behavior where I can see it and make it visible to me, even if no one else sees it.
I have a ritual planned for the masks, when I recommit myself to the sacred masculine work. In the meantime, they keep me company and call me to accounts.
