I used to never allow myself to acknowledge that I felt fear or anxiety. I had been taught early on that I wasn’t supposed to show fear or worry or anxiety, even though much of the time I felt and still feel those emotions. I discovered that the more I pushed those feelings down, the stronger they became, and the more overwhelmed I felt by the circumstances that were generating the fear and anxiety I was feeling. Eventually I learned that it was better to acknowledge those feelings, but also find a way to separate my identity from them.
Feelings and emotions are not who we are. They are part of an experience that we may be having in a given moment. It’s important to make this distinction because it is very easy to over identify with a given emotion or feeling. The feelings of fear and anxiety can cause you to question your self-worth when you overly identify with them because you start thinking that this is who you are. When I have experiences of fear and anxiety there a few practices I do which have helped me separate myself from the feeling and experience while also addressing it.
The first practice I do is acknowledge the fear and anxiety I am feeling and I give myself permission to feel it. So often we don’t give ourselves permission to feel these emotions and when we give ourselves that permission it liberates us to be authentic and real. We need to be authentic and real with ourselves about these emotions and how they are effecting us if we are going to do anything with them.
The second practice I do is breathing meditation, where I will breathe and meditate on the emotion. I will use the breathing meditation to help me dissolve the internal tension around those feelings. This allows me to discover the underlying message underneath that tension and work through it, instead of continuing to listen to the fear. When I breathe, I slow down my breathing and I use that to help me regulate my emotions. This gives me some space to work with those emotions.
The third practice I do involves regulating my life through good habits. This means adopting healthy habits that help me improve my life and at the same time allow me to turn my fear and anxiety into tools that aide me. For example, I practice Kung Fu when I feel anxious because doing so gets me out of my head and into my body and this helps me stay more present with myself in a way that turns also those feelings into resources.
The final practice involves taking on an attitude that I am not a victim in my life. I may not have control over my environment, but I have control over myself and that includes my emotions. I can purposely make the choice to work through those emotions, or I can let those emotions controls my reactions, but either way I am making a choice. By taking this perspective and applying it to my emotions, I have helped myself take charge of those feelings and used them to help me make more conscious choices.
My sense of self-worth has greatly improved by implementing these practices into my life. Fear and anxiety can make you doubt yourself, but when you turn them into resources you can make them into allies that help you live a more meaningful life. If you need help with any of this, reach out to me for a free sacred masculinity coaching session and let’s see how I can help you work with your fear and anxiety.
